I (29F) have been married to my husband (32M) for four years, and we have had a somewhat pleasant relationship overall. I’m not sure if I overreacted or if I’m right in feeling furious after a recent incident. I got up at 5 a.m. to cook my husband’s preferred meal for work. We’d had a hectic week, and I knew he’d be late, so I planned to surprise him with something homemade. He has always been finicky about food, but I have spent months perfecting his favorite breakfast burrito dish.

I got up early to make sure everything was fresh and ready for him before he went. He was already dressed when I completed the meal and neatly packaged it for him to take. When he arrived home that evening, I noticed something was amiss. He appeared uneasy, which was unusual. After a while, he casually commented that he had not eaten the dinner I prepared. I was perplexed and asked why. He returned the meal, stating that a younger coworker had already brought him something.

He stated, “I didn’t want to be rude, so Itook it:” Hearing this caused my blood to boil. I tried to seem calm, but inwardly I was angry. He didn’t even test my food; instead, he took whatever his coworker provided, despite the fact that I had spent an hour making his supper. I was hurt and felt mistreated. I didn’t want to create a fight, so I tried to remain calm. But I couldn’t let go. When he realized I wasn’t saying much the rest of the night, he inquired if there was something wrong. I informed him that I felt he didn’t appreciate.

I made an effort for him, and his answer was disdainful. He explained, “It wasn’t a big issue, you know. I didn’t want to appear like a jerk, especially when they were so friendly.” At this time, I felt he was undercutting my feelings. It wasn’t like I expected him to drop everything for my cooking, but his lack of appreciation hurt. I commented that it would have been preferable if he had politely declined the food and eaten mine rather than making it appear that he did not appreciate the effort I put in.

The next day, I tried to speak with him again. I informed him that, despite the fact that I am his wife, I thought he preferred the generosity of others over mine. He appeared to become frustrated and asked, “Why are you making such a big deal about it?” “It’s only food!” This threw me off because it felt like he was disregarding my efforts. It wasn’t only about food, but also about showing respect and honoring one another’s efforts.

I’ve tried to move on, but it’s still bothering me. I’ve tried to express how hurtful it was, but it appears he doesn’t understand. I don’t mean to sound petty or controlling, but it feels like he’s putting me second when he’s trying to avoid conflict with others. Am I wrong to be upset? Should I move on, or do I have the right to feel hurt?