“I’m not busy,” Garrison Keillor once said. A mother with three children under the age of ten would not consider my schedule to be so hectic.” What if a mother has six children ranging in age from three to fifteen? She clearly has an infinite list of things to do for her children. Meghan Oeser is a professional photographer and a mother of six children from Illinois.
Her spouse normally does not have time to care for his children because he works 12 hours a day and constructs a new family house from the ground up in his spare time. As a result, when Meghan finally had some free time with her friends while her husband looked after their children, she had few words to say to him!
“Dearest Husband, I’m writing this to you out of love, not fear. I wanted to go over a few things with you before you embark on this weekend alone… with the others. Nighttime, daytime, breakfast time, and somewhere around lunchtime…
First thing’s first… Upon arriving home after work, things won’t seem so bad. The others will hug, jump, and for the most part, be pretty excited to see you. This will be short lived… I promise. School season or not… this is also known as h*ll hour. The others will fight about anything and everything, with Quinn and Penny being the biggest instigators.
It’s most likely that Quinn will be pissed off about Penny wearing her Elsa dress, and Penny equally pissed off because Quinn will ONLY refer to her as Anna. Penny will also be fighting sleep, which I’ll get to later.” “Dinner will suck. Bailey will want pizza, while Harper will ask for hot dogs.
Quinn will cry when you say the word hot dog and will insist on mac [and] cheese (but not the orange kind or the white kind, but the purple kind). We’ll be fresh out of the purple kind, so she’ll then ask for toast.
You’ll already have started making mac [and] cheese for Penny, but since she heard Quinn ask for toast, she’ll also want that toast. You’ll end up tossing the mac [and] cheese because Bailey got the stomach flu [five] years ago after eating the orange kind, and Harper prefers the white kind.
“You’ll also forget about Harper because her friend Lily “unexpectedly” stopped by, so they went rip sticking down the street. Everyone will eat cereal for dinner, and Lily will come inside for a [Band-Aid]. You’ll want to sit down and relax after dinner/breakfast, but I’m warning you against this. It will get quiet… REAL quiet..
She’ll ask for her Minnie Mouse nightgown, but once you put it on, she’ll scream in agony… Just find her Elsa one. Chances are, it’s dirty as s**t, but so what… So is she. I can’t remember the last time I put soap to that one.
Go ahead and leave Penny on the couch with you. God knows you let her a** fall asleep somewhere prior. Quinn, Harper, and Bailey will go down seamlessly. Just wait. She will be wide awake until at least 1:30 a.m. if you’re not careful. Given your 9:30 bedtime and 5 a.m. wake up, this is less than ideal.”
“Breakfast. Ha! Just as fun as dinner… if not worse. Get coffee. LOTS of coffee. You’ll need it. Penny might want cereal, or she’ll go for toast. Whatever you do… LET HER PICK HER SPOON. Chances are, Quinn will have the ULTIMATE spoon, and Penny will convince you that you’ve left her with the sh**tiest spoon in the bunch. Sometimes, I’ll give her a fork, and then flip her off.
Lather, rinse and repeat. I’ll see you Sunday. Oh, also… Just in case you wanted to get ANYTHING done this weekend… good f**king luck. Quinn cries basically every [five] minutes, and you would think that Penny’s esophagus was on a certain fire every [four-and-a-half] seconds.
She’ll need constant refills, which leads to more potty breaks. Sometimes, she can go by herself, and sometimes, she’s completely useless and will whine about everything. Including, but not limited to, her underwears feeling funny. Have backup underwear. Kisses. The wife.”
Every mother understands how Oeser feels. She addressed this difficult letter to her spouse and wished him luck. Mom, you’ve earned this weekend off! Enjoy! If you find this letter amusing, please SHARE it with your Facebook friends!