We kissed on the sofa in his parents’ basement while watching a movie. I froze when he asked whether I wanted to go any farther. How far can you go? Should I keep my calm and go with the flow? Should I decline? Questions rushed through my head, and I excused myself to the restroom in a panic before I could respond. After an unpleasant talk, I drove home feeling like a total jerk who had just lost the cool guy’s attention. I felt like I was the lone female in high school who couldn’t hold a guy’s attention for long!

I was in a similar circumstance during my freshman year of college. After a miserable evening, I went back to my dorm room with bowed shoulders and muttered under my breath, DANG IT. THIS IS SO DIFFICULT! But when I arrived home, I knew precisely what to do. I walked to my room, unlocked my closet door, and looked for the hidden tiny box I kept on the back shelf for days like this. I tore out a piece of notebook paper and started writing him another letter.

It began like all the others: Dear Future Husband… I committed to wait for my future spouse when I was just 12 years old. And it seems like a very simple job at 12 before puberty and gorgeous males take over. Add hormones, driving, dating, college parties, and gorgeous lads that grow into sexy men, and WOO girl! Not so simple.

But I sent a letter to my future spouse when I made that vow. Actually, I merely filled in the blanks on the form that the purity conference organizers provided us middle schoolers, but it struck something in my small heart, and I continued to write to my future husband for years before I ever saw his face or knew his name.

I’d write when I was lonely, or when waiting was exceptionally tough, or even when I thought I had pushed myself too far and was grappling with humiliation. I’d write to him when I was dating other guys, telling him about my frustrations, my broken hearts, and the ways I was praying for him. Writing to my future spouse at those times helped to ease the load.

It made the wait more bearable and the optimism I’d been holding out for more palpable. I was writing to him as he was growing up in the Arizona desert and I was growing up in the Indiana cornfields, through the days he was working on gaining a college scholarship, playing college football, and going after God’s heart through his own hardships. And on the morning of our wedding, September 3, 2016, my fiancé discovered a package of letters sent to him before he even knew my name.

I’m going to freely disclose the final letter he read before switching from ‘future husband’ to ‘forever husband’ because you need to know that I understand. I understand that it is difficult. I understand that we make errors. I understand how we fight with guilt, irritability, and other unpleasant emotions. And maybe you need a little real-life, true narrative to convince your heart that everything is possible AND everything is redeemable.

So I hope my last letter to my future spouse letter inspires you to write to yours, to love yourself enough to forgive yourself, and to love God enough to allow Him to plant His spirit of endurance and compassion inside you: Dear Potential Husband, It’s hard to imagine that this is the final time I’ll ever send you a Dear Future Husband letter since you will no longer be my future husband but rather my forever husband in just a few short hours.

It’s hard to think that the day we’ve been waiting for since we met has actually arrived. It’s difficult to think that our eternity begins now. It’s difficult to think that I’ll be marrying a guy like you—a man who loves like Jesus, a man who serves with all of His heart, a man who is strong and courageous, and a man who allows God rule His life no matter what.

However, it is not difficult to believe because that is the sort of God we serve—a God who is trustworthy to work all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). My father gave me a purity ring when I was 13 years old. The words “true love waits” are engraved within the ring. I swore to wait for my future spouse and even signed a purity contract without hesitation at that time (although I had no idea just how difficult that road could be).

Nonetheless, I’ve been wearing that ring since the day it was presented to me, doing my best to keep the vow my tiny middle school heart made to my earthly father, Heavenly Father, and you, my Future Husband. Waiting for you wasn’t always simple. It wasn’t always easy when males became bored when I said no. It wasn’t always simple to explain to folks why I thought you were worth waiting for without even knowing your name.

All I knew was that God’s design is more beautiful than anything this earth could conjure up—and that it was worth the wait, even if it was difficult. When I was about to give up, I’d think of you and write to you. I imagined handing all those letters to the guy I married one day, so he could understand how really important he was long before I even met him. You are that guy now.

And, although some of these letters have subsequently been lost, I hope you value the ones I’ve written to you throughout the years. In Jesus’ name, I give you the purity ring my father put on my hand when I was a young 13-year-old girl as I walk out of my single life and into the mystery of marriage with you. In its place, I’ll put on the wedding ring you’ll put on my finger as your wife today.

Because you are and have always been the future spouse that God intended for me, the one for whom I have prayed, hoped, and waited all these years. Despite the long road of waiting, God has walked with me through lonely seasons, heartbreaks, loss, frustration, and so much more to prepare me to be a wife worthy of your love. Looking back, every single step that got us here was well worth it. And I’m certain you’re worth it, and I’d do it all over again if I had to.

So, when I walk down the aisle toward you today, please know that I feel it is much more than a ceremonial action or formality. Each step signifies the journey that God has taken with me to get me to this point, when I am about to become your wife. Today, we are giving Him everything. We now give each other everything. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for God’s faithfulness and kindness in blessing me with you as my husband, and I joyously offer you my hand, heart,

and life from now until the end of time. Sincerely, Your Forever Bride That concludes my letter. My emotions, all gooey and sentimental, flowed forth onto a page that appeared to end so many years of heartbreaks, mistakes, uncertainty, and loneliness. So, if you remember nothing else, remember this: Just as I penned letters to my future spouse, the good Lord has written you the loveliest love letter of all time. And what does it say? It declares that your heartbreaks and errors do not define you, your marriage, or your purity. Jesus certainly does. That’s all.