Have you ever found yourself wondering how you’re going to get through another day in the middle of terrible sadness, anguish, heartbreak, or despair? Do you ever wonder where your next breath will come from? Your world has disintegrated under you, leaving you broken, empty, and hopeless. Then along comes a well-meaning friend or family member who delivers the notorious “Everything happens for a reason” bomb. You can only smile sweetly and nod to prevent yourself from hitting them in the face.

You can’t think of a rationale for what just transpired. The more you ruminate about a probable cause of your misery and the slogan “everything occurs for a reason,” the more enraged you feel. You struggle to make sense of a situation that will never make sense. You look for answers, but none appear. I spent years looking for answers, trying to figure out what was causing my misery. I reasoned that if I could figure out what was causing the problem, I could treat it.

But, after years of seeking, experiencing, and living, I discovered that there is frequently no cause for tragedy to occur. Sometimes horrible things happen for no cause other than the fact that we are humans experiencing human experiences. Pain, heartbreak, sadness, loss, sickness, and death are all unavoidable aspects of the human condition. People often claim, “Life handed me a bad hand,” as though suffering and adversity are unusual.

We believe that life is meant to be simple, and when things don’t go our way, we feel cheated. Humans seem to be born with an intrinsic feeling of entitlement. We believe that we are entitled to a pain-free life. However, human beings are not immune to the human experience. And hardship is an inherently human experience. This rule does not apply to any of us. We’re all struggling. We are all in pain. We have all felt grief, heartbreak, and loss.

And sometimes there is no explanation other than the fact that we are human and that suffering is a natural part of the process. I recently spoke with a friend who was fighting to accept “God’s plan” for her life, which included the recent loss of a loved one. “How is this possible to be God’s will?” She inquired. What I’ve learned about God’s will is that it is not an event that occurs to us, but rather how we react to what happens.

God’s will is for us to walk beside Him through the disease. Because of the abuse. Because of death. Because of the sickness. In the midst of suffering, God’s desire is for us to get closer to him. God intends for us to utilize our difficult life experiences to spread his message of hope, grace, forgiveness, and compassion.