I am Sarah (25) and have been married to David (28) for a year. I have no siblings, and Tania has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. We almost grew up together, and she is like the sister I never had. Tania and her college sweetheart married shortly after graduation, but have struggled to conceive. After many testing and painful treatments, she discovered that, while having viable eggs, she is unable to have a child due to uterine abnormalities, leaving surrogacy as her only choice.

Tania recently confided in me about this, and I immediately offered to carry her and her husband’s IVF baby. Just last week, I accompanied her to her physician, where I received the go-ahead after a comprehensive examination and Q&A session, confirming that I could carry the baby without difficulty. In the midst of it all, last night, my spouse abruptly mentioned the possibility of starting a family.

When we were married, we agreed to wait 3-4 years until we were financially established and had our own home before starting a family. So I ended up telling him, “I’ve already committed to being a surrogate for Tania, and that’s a promise I can’t back out of.” He looked genuinely astonished. He said, “When did you intend to inform me about this?” I’m your husband, and I should have a say in this choice.

In answer, I stated, “I didn’t think it was necessary to obtain your consent. “My body, my decision,” he responded angrily, saying, “What do you mean? You cannot simply agree to bear someone else’s baby without consulting me first. We should make this decision collectively.” Then, after a few minutes of silence, he surprised me with an unexpected threat, saying, “In that case, I can also choose not to be involved, or perhaps not be a part of your life altogether.”

I recognize that this is not a decision that most men would easily accept. Despite this, I feel compelled to assist my friend because of our strong relationship. However, his threat of divorce has left me wondering if I should have contacted him first. I’d appreciate your advice on how to approach this situation.