My ex-MIL has been manipulating my daughter since my wife died. A man sought guidance on social media after learning upsetting details regarding his ex-MIL’s connection with his own daughter. The dad, who lost his wife years ago, expressed concern about how his ex-MIL appears to be manipulating his kid and changing her image of her own family.He wrote:
«My first wife, the mother of my daughter (now nine), died during childbirth. Naturally, I was distraught, as was my ex-MIL, “Gill” (a fictitious name). My late wife was an only child, so Gill began to see my daughter as her substitute. I was never comfortable with this, but I understand that everyone grieves differently, so I didn’t say anything.
However, I stopped any boundary trampling. For example, while introducing my daughter to new people, Gill would always say, ‘This is my baby’ or ‘Meet my daughter’, and she set up a nursery in her own home for when my daughter moved in with her. She even tried to persuade the nurses at the hospital to let my daughter accompany her home after she was discharged. It took over two hours to prove that she was my daughter and would accompany me home.
For the first two years of my daughter’s existence, I focused solely on her and avoided dating. When she was three, I met my second wife, who adores my daughter as if she were her own. When my daughter was six, we sat her down and explained that her original mother was in heaven and that my wife was her stepmother. Gill despises my wife and is outraged that my daughter has a mother figure in her life.
«My wife and I are now married, she is expecting our son, and we are in the midst of moving to another state. My company offered me a transfer with a wage increase, and there are better school/daycare options for my daughter and infant. Gill has known since we began looking at houses and has done practically everything possible to prevent it from happening.
She reported us to Child Protective Services, stating we are ignoring my daughter over our unborn son and are unfit to care for her. She is well aware that if my kid is taken away, she will most likely be granted custody. Fortunately, neither our current state nor the one we’re relocating to recognize grandparents’ rights. However, Gill is convinced that we are doing this to spite her.
I finally grew weary of her pranks and informed her that my daughter is my child, and I get to decide what’s best for her. Despite my dislike for Gill, I never kept my kid away from her. She pays frequent visits to Gill and stays there overnight. However, following her last visit, I’m hesitant to take my daughter there unaccompanied. My daughter was unusually quiet as we drove home. After some prodding, she inquired if we were going to abandon her once the kid was born.
Of course, I responded no and inquired as to why she thought so. She informed me that Gill has been telling her that we will not care about her and that only Gill will adore her. My daughter also told me that over the past year or so, Gill has been having her phone her mother, but she was warned not to tell me or my wife about it. She has also been.
People in the comments empathized with this father’s pain and confusion, and offered him advise on what had been going on in his life.She wants your child to be her do-over daughter. She’s deliberately brainwashing your small girl. Stop underreacting. This has been going on for years, and you, my friend, are completely unaware of it. Stop giving her the opportunity to ruin your family.
Get your child into therapy as soon as possible, and block Gill from everything. It is your primary responsibility as her parent to protect her from the toxicity of people. Please do not allow her to spend the night there again. Shame on her grandmother! I understand the loss of a child (my 36-year-old son died a little more than three years ago), so I get it. But she doesn’t respect you or your new wife at all.
She should be pleased that you have found someone to love and who is kind to your daughter. This is exactly what I have right now. My daughter-in-law is now married to a man who would make an excellent father for my grandchildren if their father is unable to be present. If anything, have a supervised visit before you depart for another state, but make sure you are present the entire time (not your wife alone, since MIL will try to walk all over her). I hope everything turns out great for you and your family.