Nothing could have prepared today’s woman for the day when her husband’s family advised her take on the role of a “traditional” wife. The shock she experienced was profound, forcing her to confront long-held expectations and cultural conventions that she had never really explored. She recounted what had transpired.
My husband is from a conventional family in which his mother stays at home and his father is the primary provider.

In stark contrast, my mother taught me from a young age the significance of never being financially dependent on a guy. My husband has worked hard to unlearn the values he was raised with. He does his part at home, is a dedicated father, and a sincere partner. However, he places an enormous amount of value on his family’s opinions. I appreciate the urge to make one’s parents proud, but this is often taken too far.

My in-laws are staying with us for two weeks. Normally, I make breakfast, we have lunch at work or school, and my husband cooks dinner. We have a cleaner, but she is on vacation, so we are all helping out with the cleaning. This system has consistently worked for us. My in-laws, meanwhile, dislike my “modern” way of living. They resent that I work, that I do not see my main duty as being a wife and mother, and that my husband shares household tasks.

We had an open talk early on, during which I established my boundaries and made it plain that I would not tolerate criticism about how I live my life in my own house. When I’m a guest in their home, I respect their customs and behave like the daughter-in-law they wish I was. They’ve mainly upheld this agreement. Yesterday, I arrived home from work fatigued and hungry. I normally show up at about 6:15 or 6:30 PM, and we eat at 7 PM.

After greeting everyone, I had a quick shower before supper. When I came downstairs, I discovered that nothing had been prepared. I asked my husband about it, but he refused to look at me. His mother responded, stating he hadn’t cooked anything because it was my responsibility as a wife to cook for my family. My husband still avoided eye contact.

Frustrated, I ordered takeaway for myself and our children, then sat down to eat. My husband and his parents joined us after they had served themselves. My mother-in-law continued to criticize me and brand me a failure. I inquired if my spouse had anything to say. He agreed with his mother, saying that it wouldn’t harm if I behaved “more like a proper woman” and “took better care of my home and children.”

He went on to say that tradition exists for a reason, and it was disrespectful to think I was too good for the manner he was raised. At this moment, I may have crossed a line. I told him that tradition would not allow a guy making $35,000 to sustain a family of five, and that he was too broke to be so sexist. He appeared hurt, tears welling up in his eyes, and excused himself from the table. I detest stating this in front of our children, but coping with his parents’ criticism and cleaning up his mess proved too much for me.