1. Consider the consequences if you cheat. It’s always beneficial to be present and live in the moment. When it comes to cheating, however, projecting into the future is not a bad notion. What will happen when you’ve fulfilled that fantasy? “The eventual next image is either your partner finding out (as they often do), or this person continuing to come back wanting more and putting pressure on you,” advises Dr. DePompo.
It might even assist to imagine yourself breaking up with your existing lover right now. Consider how you would handle it, the difficulties of moving out if you live together, and how your life would look and feel during and after the breakup. “If the idea of breaking up makes you feel relieved or happy, make a plan to end things with your significant other before you cheat,” says Amica Graber, a relationship specialist at TruthFinder. “If the thought of breaking up makes you feel heartbroken, think twice. That is your future if you act on your instincts.”
2. Re-energize your relationship. If your desire to cheat arises from boredom in your relationship, try to reconnect with your partner. “The willingness to invest energy and time in building a conscious relationship will help you fight the temptation to cheat on your partner,” explains relationship therapist Irina Baechle, LCSW, to Bustle. This essentially entails making an effort to turn things around by conversing with your partner and exploring options to restart the relationship. There is no reason to waste your time worrying about someone else.
3. Take your crushes seriously and avoid temptations. When you are currently in a relationship, it is easy to dismiss an infatuation as stupid or unimportant. That is fine if you are drawn to someone from a distance. However, if you find yourself spending a lot of time with that person or actively following them on social media, it may be a good idea to quit the relationship before it gets too far. Take your crushes seriously. “You shouldn’t be spending one-on-one time with a crush when you’re already involved,” Graber explains. “Unfollow them on social media and stop allowing yourself to cheat. If you’re feeling tempted, leave your primary relationship or stop flirting with someone else.
4. Consider what you stand to gain by cheating. “For many, cheating is a way to regain control,” explains couples therapist Shamyra Howard, LCSW, to Bustle. “When we couple this with the eroticism of engaging in illicit behavior, we can see why it can be hard to resist the temptation of cheating.” So, to resist temptation, ask yourself the following two questions: What will I gain by cheating? What do I need from myself or my relationship that I’m not currently getting? When you take a moment to consider what you hope to achieve and what you may lose, it can help to put things into perspective.
5. Take some time for yourself. If ideas of cheating become too real, ask your partner for some distance to clear your mind. “Get to know yourself and figure out what makes you feel connected to your partner,” LGBT-affirming therapist Katie Leikam advises Bustle. “Is it more physical touch/sex, is it the emotional bond or a combination of the two?” Getting clear on what you genuinely need in your relationship to feel connected will help you discover issue areas and attempt to fix them.
6. Tell your partner. You have been thinking about cheating. This may be the last thing you want to do, but being open about your desire to cheat could be beneficial. “I know this sounds really hard but having this conversation gives you a chance to figure out if this is the right relationship and to discuss possibly whether the relationship should end,” adds Latimer. It could also be an excellent opportunity for you to improve your relationship.
Your relationship may be experiencing difficulties, or you may believe that your needs are not being addressed. But cheating is never the solution. Most likely, it will just exacerbate your difficulties. However, if you make an effort to realize why you’re tempted and reinvest more energy in your relationship, you can resist the temptation to cheat.