1. It has been a long time, but you are still thinking about him or her. You’ve probably heard that recovering from a breakup takes around half the time the relationship lasted (and some psychologists agree). However, the time it takes to get over an ex is determined by a variety of circumstances, including the intensity of the relationship and your role in it. In general, however, if it has been years since the end of a six-month romance and you are still emotionally tied to your ex, you should get professional help.
2. They are tired of hearing you talk about him or her. It is ridiculous to expect that following a split, you would never think or speak about your previous spouse again. According to marriage and family therapist Joan Sherman, L.M.F.T., if you’re continuously seeking reasons to bring up his or her name and the experiences you had together, it’s a sign that you’re probably not over your ex.
Since it might be difficult to judge how frequently you talk about your ex, listen to what friends, family, and even new love partners say. If they believe there is an issue, there very likely exists. 3. Despite having been in romantic relationships with other individuals, you still feel connected to him or her. According to research, starting a new relationship (when you’re ready) can help you recover from a breakup.
If you’re experiencing difficulties with this new relationship because you’re continually comparing your current partner to your previous one, Sherman thinks it could be a sign that you’re still attached. Similarly, she says, “If you start to feel feelings for somebody, and then you squash them because it gets too scary,” it could be an indication that you’re still attached to your ex.
4. When you’re upset, your ex comes to mind first. After dating someone for a while, you begin to rely on him or her for emotional support. After you break up, you must locate new sources of the same type of caring. According to Samantha Joel, a relationship expert, “the main telltale sign that someone is still attached to their ex is how readily their ex enters their mind when they are anxious or upset.”
In other words, if all you want to do after a hard day at work is phone your ex and rant (even though your mother and best friend are first and second on speed dial), it could be a sign that you still have feelings for him or her. 5. You cannot see anything negative about the connection. Even the healthiest relationships have flaws. If you can fairly appraise the relationship, you’ve begun to move on from an ex. That entails acknowledging both its negative and positive qualities.
Sherman clarifies: “If you’re not willing to look at how that relationship helped you and also didn’t help you … then that’s a little bit of a question for me.” In fact, one study discovered that persons who could think negatively about their partner a month after splitting up had an easier time coping to the end of a relationship.
6. You’re really busy, but you still feel like something is missing. When you’re grieving the end of a relationship, psychologist Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D., says staying active and working toward new goals is essential. You don’t want to fully distract yourself from your unpleasant sentiments, but having too much time on your hands can make it difficult to remember that there are other aspects of life that you like. If your calendar is full of half marathon training, happy hours with friends, and volunteering at your local soup kitchen, but you’re still missing your ex, your sentiments may be stronger than you realize.