There’s a probability that your partner’s exhibiting the aforementioned habits has nothing to do with your relationship and everything to do with them. Again, they could be exhausted from job, unhappy from family strife, or a variety of other reasons. You won’t know for certain until you talk to them about it, so approach them gently when the time is perfect.

“Remember to come from a place of listening and trying to understand,” according to Hoffman. “Rather than trying to get your partner to do something you want, like be more intimate [or] reinvest in the relationship.”

A good way to this topic is to point out what you’re seeing and ask your spouse how they’re feeling. “Acknowledge something that is a fact and then ask them how it feels for them,” according to Hoffman. She suggests framing it like, “We appear to be spending less time together than normal. Is everything okay for you?”

If you and your partner still want to make your relationship work, Hoffman recommends seeking therapy or speaking with someone who has your best interests in mind, “so you can better understand [your partner’s] feelings and make sure you’re both getting your needs met in a relationship.”

However, if your partner wishes to end your relationship after meditating on and discussing the distance between you, it is critical that you prioritize your own healing. Because you and your partner live together, the first step is to physically separate — whether you move out or your partner does. That must come first, according to Hoffman, since you will need the space to recover and go forward.

Whether this difficult talk with your spouse results in a breakup or the understanding that you and your partner love each other but have things to work on, rest certain that it will put facts to your feelings and help you figure out the best next steps. That peace of mind can outweigh any initial stress.