My family thinks I’m awful for not allowing my parents to live with me, but they don’t know the truth.

A woman sent a desperate letter asking for an opinion on whether she had done the right thing. The problem is that her elderly parents lost their home and requested to remain with her. However, the woman was rejected for genuine reasons. She has now turned against all of her relatives. I (33F) have lived in my own home for some years. I bought it with my own money and worked hard to make it a comfortable and safe home after growing up in a volatile setting.

My parents (in their sixties) have always been bad with money, making poor financial decisions despite my efforts to assist their budget. They recently lost their home due to foreclosure. They contacted me and asked if they might live temporarily until they got back on their feet. However, two more adults would far exceed the capacity of my home, and I love my privacy and independence.

More importantly, my parents have a history of being controlling and disregarding my boundaries. When my parents last stayed with me, they ridiculed everything about my lifestyle, replaced furniture without my permission, and even got into a fight with one of my neighbors.I promised to help them find an affordable property and even pay their first month’s rent. I also discovered federal help programs that they may apply for.

They refused, insisting that family should stay together and that it was my responsibility to assist them in their time of need. My siblings are divided: my older brother believes I am callous, whilst my younger sister understands my concerns. They both live in modest flats and are unable to accommodate my parents. My parents have been guilt-tripping me, saying that they raised me and now it is my responsibility to care for them.

My parents are now informing extended family that I have abandoned them, and I am receiving messages from relatives. It’s making me reconsider my decision, despite the fact that I know moving in would be bad for my mental health. Was I wrong to refuse to let my parents move in with me after they lost their home? Should I be more inclined to accommodate them, or should I keep to my own needs and boundaries? I’m feeling really conflicted and may benefit from some outside insight.

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