OK, gentlemen: She spent the night at your house and graciously rated your likely awful bathroom. You are now on your way to her place. Your expectations are high because you perceive her as the ideal feminine goddess. She always looks flawless, whether you’re out on the town or spending a lazy day at the park. The sound of her voice simultaneously calms and intrigues you. You may or may not have developed strong feelings for this girl.
What if I told you she was disgusting? What if I told you she had some terrible habits? We are lovely, feminine creatures, yet we also have shortcomings. Because you know it’s all about equality. You’d probably still fall for her, but to avoid surprises, here are five nasty things girls do. You might as well accept them now.
1. You know that gorgeous hair you enjoy running your fingers through? It is the adversary of cleanliness. If her shower drain is clogged, do not enter to inspect. Abort the mission. Under that pool of water lurks the Loch Ness Monster of hair. Only a marriage license, in my opinion, justifies the expectation that a man will grab a wad of hair obstructing the drain.
2. Speaking of hair, it can damage vacuums. The brush under the vacuum has a habit of gathering hair, particularly long hair. It’s a fiery and twisted love affair that frequently requires the use of a knife or scissors. If you haven’t had to hack through the jungle of vacuum hair, consider yourself lucky.
3. There are gory things in plain view. Look, we did not select the era lifestyle. It chose us. We are simply attempting to handle it. We’re used to it by this point, so if my period doesn’t end on trash day, that tampon will stay right there. If periods still make you grimace, you don’t understand the strength of a woman’s body. Please step to the side to make place for a real man.
4. Some of us are quite skilled at losing stuff, and we usually lose stud earrings. What’s the solution? Never take them out. What’s the issue with the solution? Caked-on conditioner and other questionable grossness clung to the earring’s back. What is the consequence of the problem with the solution? Earrings that stink like straight ass. Yes, it’s disgusting. We realize it’s disgusting. But the prospect of adding another step to our bathing regimens is overwhelming.
5. Due to the aforementioned shower regimen, we occasionally go to bed after an exercise without showering. There is no run, hot yoga, circuit training, or other sweaty workout that will force an exhausted girl to take a shower if she does not want to. We’ll happily sleep in our dried perspiration, knowing that we’ve worked out our bodies.
Do not be concerned if you wriggle, wince, or grimace at any of these things. We realize it’s gross (but normal). But we also recognize that our gorgeous, exquisite qualities surpass them all. Nobody is flawless, and if none of these issues arise at the start of a relationship, don’t worry. They will emerge eventually. But don’t worry, fellas. These disgusting habits are completely typical, and they should simply be accepted. Also, just so you know, ladies poop, too. (Gasp.)