My husband and I were dressed and ready to enjoy a nice evening of supper and play. After being burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and the answering machine before putting the cat in the backyard. When our cab arrived, we walked out the front door, and our somewhat tubby cat slipped between our legs inside before running up the stairs.

Because our cat likes to pursue our budgie, we didn’t want to leave them unattended, so my husband raced inside to get her and return her to the back yard. I didn’t want the cab driver to know our house would be empty all evening, so I told him my husband would be out briefly to say goodnight to my mother. A few minutes later, my husband got into the cab, hot and agitated, and exclaimed (to my rising horror and amusement) as the cab drove away:

“I’m sorry it took so long, but the silly bitch was hiding under the bed, and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to pull her out! She attempted to flee, but I caught her by the neck and covered her in a blanket so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did the last time. But it worked! “I hauled her fat arse down the stairs and threw her into the backyard. She had better not shit in the vegetable garden again.”