Receiving a phone call from the school can be frightening for any parent. Typically, it is reserved for serious problems, and Tony couldn’t help but wonder if his daughter, Demetra, was safe. Has something happened at school? However, the truth of the scenario shocked him. It was a normal July day in Northern California, with temperatures reaching 90 degrees. Tony had handed off his 13-year-old daughter at school that morning, never expecting her clothing to cause so much uproar.
Demetra, a student at Raymond J. Fisher Middle School in Los Gatos, California, was dressed for the heat in a blue romper. Tony and Demetra didn’t think twice about the clothing; it seemed perfect for a long, warm school day. However, not everyone saw it that way. A instructor at the school said her dress was “too distracting” for boys.
When Demetra’s instructor warned her the romper was too short, Tony went back to school with a change of clothes – jeans shorts and a tank top — only to be told by the administration that these were also unsuitable. Tony was stunned. “I asked Demetra to bend over and touch her toes, right in front of the administrator,” Alarcon told The Today Show. “So I said, ‘Nothing is hanging out. There is nothing incorrect. “I don’t understand the dress code rule.”
However, the school claimed the costume was “distracting.” On a hot 90-degree day, Tony had no choice but to return to his car for a spare pair of leggings. Demetra rightfully felt degraded. You get pulled out of class in front of everyone…She’s only a kid. She’s only 13. She is not a sex symbol. She just wants to be comfortable and go to class, and we are not giving her that opportunity,” he said.
This incident wasn’t the first time Demetra had been dress-coded. Just a week prior, she was reprimanded for a visible bra strap. “When I got dress coded one time last week, they said my bra strap was showing,” Demetra told the San Jose Mercury News. “Lord forbid I might be wearing a bra.” Tony, a successful investment advisor and father of two, wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.
Outraged by what he saw as an unfair policy that disproportionately targeted girls, he decided to take action. He went to social media to voice his frustration, and support poured in from parents across the country who agreed the school’s dress code was outdated and sexist. “Demetra isn’t alone. Just sit in Fisher’s parking lot and you’ll see that,” Alarcon said. “I’ve heard from multiple girls that they just want to be comfortable, but they feel like they’re being pushed into wearing leggings in 100-degree heat.”
Tony felt strongly that parents, not schools, should decide whether their children’s clothing is appropriate. More than that, he worried about the long-term emotional impact on young girls who are told their clothing is a ”distraction” to boys. The situation quickly gained media attention, with major news outlets covering Tony’s fight to change the dress code. Though the school refused to comment on camera, they did release a statement:
“The Los Gatos Union School District believes that appropriate dress and grooming contribute to a productive learning environment,” Abbati told TODAY in a statement. “Students are expected to wear clothes that reflect the collective core values of our learning community.” Tony’s stand didn’t go unnoticed. His efforts led to the Los Gatos Union School District reevaluating its dress code, ensuring it would be fairer and less restrictive for all students.
Lisa Fraser, the school’s principal, said the school’s “Fashion Faux Pas” guidelines apply to both girls and boys. Among other no-nos: hats or hoods indoors, visible underwear, inappropriate words or logos, and those shorts with less-than-4-inch inseams.
“There has always been a dress code,” Fraser told the newspaper. “These are standards for reasonable decorum. I do reserve the right to set guidelines for the school, but I want to lead with the pulse of the community and reflect the community’s core values.”