A teacher steps up to the chalkboard and writes DEFINITELY. She turns to the students and says, “Today, we’ll look at the word ‘definitely’.” “Definitely is when something is certain and there is no possibility of question.

Now, I’d like some volunteers to utilize “definitely” in a statement. Little Suzy raises her hand and declares, “I am definitely going to the park after school today.”

“No, I would think there’s a good chance you’ll go to the park but it might rain so it’s not definite.” Little Billy raises his hand and declares, “My team is definitely going to win the game this Saturday.” “No, I know you really want your team to win the game this Saturday, but wanting is not enough to make it definite.”

Little Johnny raises his hand to ask, “Miss, is there such a thing as a lumpy fart?” The teacher responds, “No.” Little Johnny laments, “Then I definitely just shat myself!”