“My spouse, who has always personified ‘traditional masculinity’, began experimenting with makeup a few months ago. It began gently, with only a bit of concealer, but quickly evolved into complicated procedures that included contouring, foundation, and eyeliner for each occasion. Initially, I supported him. I believed in his right to express himself and did not want to undermine his newfound confidence.

But everything changed when the whispering and laughter began. Friends, family, and coworkers began questioning me rather than him. ‘How could she allow him to do this? ‘Isn’t she embarrassed?’ It felt as if his decisions reflected my own, and despite my best efforts to encourage him, the contempt from others became painful.”The tipping point occurred one night when I snapped.

After a particularly difficult day in which I had been the target of too many jokes, I returned home, saw his makeup on the bathroom counter, and something inside me snapped. I threw everything away. Every single product. Concealer, foundation, and brushes are gone. When he returned home and saw what I had done, I readied myself for a fight. However, an awful quiet engulfed the room. He simply stared at me, and in that moment, I realized the harm I had done — not just to his makeup, but to his sense of self.

Now I’m left wondering whether I made the correct decision. I didn’t remove his makeup to hurt him; I did it out of desperation, hoping it would put a stop to the mocking and shield us both from the unrelenting criticism of others. Instead, I may have damaged something far more important: his faith in me and ability to accept his genuine self.”

What Helen can accomplish here. It’s very reasonable to feel overwhelmed by your husband’s makeup use, especially when external criticism begins to undermine your self-esteem. Here are some strategies to assist you negotiate the pressure from others while still supporting your partner: