My ex-husband, Mark (35M), and I (32F) share custody of our 5-year-old daughter, Lily. Mark and I have been divorced for approximately three years, and it has been generally amicable. He recently began dating a new woman, Emma (28F), and from what I’ve seen and heard, she’s excellent with Lily. My 5-year-old daughter frequently has sleepovers at her father’s place. He and his current girlfriend, Emma, appear to have a good relationship.
I’ve always believed they had a wonderful bond. They build forts and read stories, and my daughter frequently mentions how much fun she has with Emma. My daughter always returns home pleased and excited about her time there. But today, something seemed off. Lily was playing with her dolls in the living room when she casually mentioned that Emma used a sponge to scrub her back and advised her to sit still to avoid slipping.
I froze. Bathing my daughter? Was Emma bathing my daughter? Mark has always been a hands-on dad, and I’ve never had any issues with him handling baths or nighttime procedures. But would his girlfriend do it? It felt strange. I didn’t enjoy it, and I couldn’t get over the discomfort. I attempted to remain cool and asked Lily gently, “Did Daddy help you with your bath, too?”
She looked up and replied, “No, Daddy was preparing dinner. Emma assisted me because I had paint on my arms and legs. This did not sit well with me. I understand that accidents occur, but shouldn’t Mark have addressed it? Emma is not Lily’s parent, and it seemed too intimate for her to be involved in something like that. I called Mark immediately and asked, “Can we talk?” Lily said something that has been upsetting me:
He sounded bewildered but consented. “Sure,what’s up?” “Why is Emma giving Lily baths?” I asked bluntly. He paused before answering. “What is the big deal?” She’s excellent with Lily, and I trust her. Lily had splashed paint everywhere, and I was busy cooking.It was not a major deal: “It is a big thing to me;·I snapped.”That is not a boundary I am comfortable with.She is not Lily’s mother.
Mark sighed, obviously annoyed. “Emma adores Lily and treats her as her own. You are overreacting. It’s only a bath: “No; I encountered,” refers to boundaries. That’s something you should have handled as her father. The call ended tensely, but I was not finished. Later that day, I decided to speak with Emma personally. I invited her for coffee, hoping for a relaxed talk. But when I mentioned the bath, her attitude stunned me.
“I didn’t think it would be an issue,” she added, seeming astonished. “I was simply trying to help. Lily did not appear uncomfortable:· “I’m not accusing you,” I answered calmly. “But I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to bathe her.” That is Mark’s job as her parent’. Emma agreed, but said, “I respect your views, but I feel like you’re portraying me as a villain here.
I love Lily and would never do anything to harm her.” The talk ended awkwardly. Now, Mark is unhappy with me for “blowing this out of proportion,” and Emma is aloof, possibly hurt. Was I wrong to create this boundary, or did I go too far?