1. “I Don’t Like Your Mom”
Anything targeting your partner’s parents is a poor idea. Even if you don’t like someone’s mother, keep this one to yourself. If someone says something like this to you, it will immediately alter your perception of them. And it won’t go away.

2. “Your Hair Looks Like …”
In my case, it was Einstein. He eventually took it back, or rather changed it, claiming that it was purely a term of endearment and that he also likes Einstein’s hair. That’s cool! However, it did cushion the blow. Nobody wants to be told that their hair looks horrible (or like Einstein’s). This is the end of the story.

3. “You Look Bad/Funny/Weird In That Shirt”
Even if this is later clarified with a “No, really, I like that shirt, I was just joking around,” the recipient of this remark is unlikely to trust it. If you tell me I look like a lumberjack in my clothing, I may dismiss it — “Whatever, man, I love this shirt” — but I will remember you said it. As my friend so brilliantly stated this morning, “I don’t care if you tell me you like them [later], I won’t believe you.”

4. “He/She Is Really Cute”
Of course, even if we are in a relationship, we will be drawn to some people. Knowing who else your partner is drawn to may not be an issue for everyone, but if I know my partner thinks someone else is adorable, I’ll think about it every time we see them. Of course, for all of these, the inverse is true: if I tell my partner that I find someone beautiful, they will remember.

5. “You Talk Too Much”
This one, strangely, isn’t mine; it was uttered to my friend by her post-college lover. The nerve! I’ve said it before and will say it again: Many women are naturally talkative. Not all of them, of course. However, if you dislike the fact that your girlfriend is extremely talkative, do yourself and everyone else a favor and keep that knowledge under wraps. You will do no one any favors by admitting it so openly.

6. “You’re Too Loud”
Similar to the last example, any suggestion about changing someone’s personality that is not handled softly would be perceived as a personal attack. (Oh, and sure, this is mine.) If I had a dime for every time someone shushed me or told me to be quiet in my life, I’d be retired in Tahiti. (Wait, I just Googled Tahiti, and it is quite stunning. I may become bored there, though. But truly, so beautiful.)

If you’re dating someone who gets overly excited, please don’t urge them to calm down. Many of these criticisms can be phrased more gently, and there’s nothing wrong with sitting down with your partner and discussing something that upsets you in a peaceful or comparable method of speech. But don’t make snap judgments.

7. “You Need Therapy”
Saying statements like this, “You’re crazy,” and so on are not acceptable. Just no. If your partner is struggling at work, is depressed, or is experiencing other difficulties, it is advisable for them to get professional assistance. And maybe you can assist them find a decent therapist, demonstrating that you care and want to help them. However, making a casual remark like this, especially if it is in response to something they say or do that you dislike, is a poor idea.

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