Ah, first dates. Some individuals eagerly await them all day, while others would rather spend the rest of their lives waiting in line at the DMV. But first dates are an inescapable aspect of dating, so if the prospect of meeting a stranger for a date, chit-chatting, and determining whether you two are compatible causes you election night-level dread, Elite Daily has some first date suggestions to help you out.

I spoke with dating expert Evan Marc Katz about first dates, and to be honest, he blew me away. There are certain apparent things to do on a first date, such as smile, make eye contact, and ask questions, but Katz believes the most crucial thing is to let go of one’s agenda.

“If you go into the date with an agenda — I’m going to figure out what this guy’s deal is, I’m going to figure out what’s wrong with him, I’m not going to get hurt, I’m not going to waste my time like I did with the last guy — then they’re not going to have any fun and they’re not going to want to see you again.” While there’s nothing wrong with dating with the intention of finding a relationship, Katz recommends keeping present in the moment and allowing the date to unfold naturally.

“It’s really, really common, but don’t try to figure out if he’s your husband on your first date,” Katz tells me. “You’re not there to ask him pointed questions to try to figure out if he wants kids, how he votes, whether he’s financially stable, or whether he’s looking for a serious relationship or not.” Of course, you’ll want to know these things if you end up in a relationship with your date, but the first date isn’t about them. Katz concurs: “It’s like trying to read the last page of the book before you turn the first page.”

Katz believes that most individuals on a first date want the same things: to be liked, respected, and to feel good. “Initially, someone will want to go on a date with you based on how they feel in your presence.” There are simple ways to make someone feel loved and positive about themselves. Katz says, “Look them in the eyes, touch their hands, and ask them questions. Metaphorically, if you go on a date with your arms crossed and say, ‘Show me what you got,’ the other person will become defensive.”

A lot of the worry and anxiety around first dates stems from wondering whether or not the other person likes you and wants to go on a second date with you. Will they ask you out again, or will they disappear, never to be heard from again? Katz has a brilliant solution for this. “The best thing you could do on a first date is not to spend half a second worrying if you’re going to get a second date,” according to him. “Assume the answer is Yes. Assume the person sitting across from you likes you, is attracted to you, and wishes to date you. Assuming all of these things will relax you, boost your confidence, and allow you to be yourself.

Katz proposes asking yourself three questions following the date: “Did you have enough fun, were you comfortable enough, and were you attracted enough to go on a second date?” You don’t have to plan out the entire future.” Relieving yourself of the weight of figuring out the rest of your life will allow you to decide if you felt a connection with your date and if you want to feel it again.

So, the next time you go on a first date, consider putting your agenda aside and focusing on your date, learning about them without interrogating them, and making them feel appreciated. It’s just a first date; it won’t last forever, but if you take Katz’ advice, it could lead to something more.