Overstepping as a stepparent is a serious and sensitive problem. One stepmother made a decision for her stepdaughter with good intentions, but the biological father — her husband — disagreed. This created friction and confusion as issues about hierarchy and boundaries arose. Her scenario raised an essential topic for blended families: how much say should stepparents have in parenting decisions?

When my daughter reached ten, I brought her to have her ears pierced. My husband was okay with it. My stepdaughter, who recently turned ten, wants the same thing, so I made it happen. When he first saw her, he smiled. But later that night, I was astonished when he exploded with wrath and exclaimed, ‘I can’t believe you did that without asking me!'” I assured him it wouldn’t be a huge deal because we’d done it with my daughter before, and he was cool with it.