First and foremost, the most important dating advice anyone can give you is to not plan your first dates since the finest experiences are those that surprise you and take you out of your comfort zone. That being said, if you’re going on a lot of first dates with little success or connection, dating experts suggest being a little more creative with the things you ask on a first date. It may be time to modify your language. Instead of the usuals, what do you do? Where are you from, etc?
Why? “Asking great questions on a date can give you a lot of insight about the person sitting across from you,” says matchmaker and dating expert Sarah Patt to Bustle. “By the conclusion of the date, you should be able to tell if you connect with the individual and whether you have similar lifestyles and ideals. Asking outstanding questions will help you assess if this person has what you’re searching for in a companion and if their world is one you’d like to learn more about or join. So, if you’re at a loss for what to stay to truly spark up killer questions that lead to killer dates (and possibly a relationship?), here are some ideas:
1. “What was your family like growing up? Are there any fun stories?” According to Patt, if you feel comfortable asking about their family background on your first date, you can learn a lot. “If they are talking about their family, it shows they have great relationships with their parents and siblings,” she said. “This will give you a glimpse into their childhood and upbringing.”
The important thing to remember here is that no one gets to choose their family (otherwise, wouldn’t you have chosen Queen Elizabeth as your grandmother?) — so don’t pass judgment based on what they say. Instead, think about what is important to you in terms of compatibility: do you care whether their parents are separated? Is being an only child a deal-breaker if you come from a large family?
2. “How Would Your Friends Describe You?”Even if someone is gregarious and friendly, they may struggle to communicate about themselves. Dr. Karin Anderson Abrell, a relationship expert, advises Bustle to ask indirect questions about them rather than direct ones. “Asking them what their friends say about them provides them the safety of describing themselves from another person’s point of view,” she said. “In addition, you get to learn about their friendships—which of course, ultimately says a lot about who they are.”
3. “What’s A Hobby You’ve Always Enjoyed?”Similar to ‘What do you like to do for fun?’, this inquiry will reveal what your date does to unwind. Life counselor Kristy De Leon tells Bustle that it will also provide insight into their social group. Perhaps most crucially, it will tell you whether your interests are complementary.
“People typically hang out with people who are similar to themselves, so if you start hearing of activities that you would never ever do then that is a big warning sign,” she said. “If the person states they don’t have any interesting activities, that’s a big red flag. It suggests that they haven’t matured enough to understand what they appreciate or truly like. There isn’t even a mental seed established regarding self-care.”
4. “What’s the Best Vacation You’ve Ever Taken?” Similar to ‘What do you like to do for fun?’, this inquiry will reveal what your date does to unwind. Life counselor Kristy De Leon tells Bustle that it will also provide insight into their social group. Perhaps most crucially, it will tell you whether your interests are complementary.
“People typically hang out with people who are similar to themselves, so if you start hearing of activities that you would never ever do then that is a big warning sign,” she said. “If the person states they don’t have any interesting activities, that’s a big red flag. It suggests that they haven’t matured enough to understand what they appreciate or truly like. There isn’t even a mental seed established regarding self-care.”