There is a pattern to cheating, and it often goes along with a pattern of thought. People cheating on their partners is pretty common, but we don’t talk enough about the psychological reasons why people do it. But learning about how cheaters think can help you understand why they break their partners’ trust and look for closeness elsewhere.”There is no one reason or way to cheat in a relationship,” says Joshua Klapow, host of The Kurre and Klapow Show and professional psychologist.
“However, the vast majority of times people cheat are due to a set of very clear psychological patterns.” Over the years, psychologists have seen these trends and have come up with some explanations for their actions, such as conflict avoidance, shame, and passive-aggression. People often have very negative ideas about cheats, but the reasons they do what they do are more complicated than what most stories about cheating say.
For those who have been cheated on, cheated in the past, or want to know more about why someone would end a relationship, keep reading. Psychologists have written about how cheats think and feel, as well as why they may be drawn to cheating. 1. They might be afraid of fighting. Someone who cheats might do it to avoid having a fight with their partner over problems in the relationship.
Klapow says, “People cheat a lot because they’re afraid of getting into a fight.” “They know there are issues in the relationship, but they don’t know how to really work things out with their partner.” They can get away by cheating. So, cheating is a way to get rid of anger and frustration without having to face the problems head-on in a talk that could be hard and emotionally draining.
2․ They might want to avoid getting close. Some people cheat on their partner to get emotional distance from them if things are going too quickly or if the closeness of the relationship makes them feel uncomfortable, says Dr. Tammy Nelson, a licensed relationship therapist and board-certified sexologist. Sometimes, this happens because someone was abused by a guardian or partner in the past. They may be afraid to get close again because of the pain they felt then.
Nelson says, “A cheating partner may be afraid of the closeness of an attached or committed relationship not because they are a bad person or they want out, but because the strength of the bond between you is too strong.” “Having an affair gives them time to think about how to handle how close you are becoming.” When things get serious, they might need to put some space between themselves to deal with their shyness.
Nelson thinks that partners who cheat can change and commit, “unless they repeat the pattern of cheating over and over again.” For problems with attachment, she suggests couples treatment and coaching.
3․ Cheating could mean “evening the score” to them. People who steal in a passive-aggressive way might do it because they think their partner has hurt them and they don’t want to settle things in a direct but still hurtful way. “Instead of talking to their partner about how angry they are, they feel entitled to lie to “even the score.” According to Lauren Dummit, LMFT, co-founder and clinical director at Triune Therapy Group, people may cheat if they are unhappy in their marriage but too afraid to end it.
This could be done consciously or subconsciously in the hopes of getting caught. 4 They could be interested in non-monogamy. Some cheats don’t agree with monogamy, so before they cheat, they might look into other options like open relationships, polyamory, or situations that are similar to monogamy. “Some cheaters don’t like rules or authority, so they cheat to show themselves that no one can control them,” says Dummit. Cheating might be a way for them to rebel, or maybe being loyal to one person isn’t the best way for them to be in a relationship.
The first thing they should do is tell their partner what they need. This could be a sign that two people aren’t compatible if they don’t agree on the rules of a relationship that isn’t monogamous.5. They’re looking for help with relationship problems․ Cheating isn’t always done out of anger; sometimes it’s done to get back in charge and get away from a bad relationship safely.
Klapow says, “People cheat because they have no hope.” “Sometimes, the person feels like they have nothing left.” They’ve given up, but they don’t want to end the relationship too often because of money, kids, or their way of life. Sometimes, the person they’re cheating on can make them feel safe and at ease when everything else in their life, including their relationship, is too much.
People who cheat sometimes think that what they’re doing is their last chance to save the relationship. They might believe that stealing is what will keep things together. Klapow says, “People cheat to keep the relationship together.” These people like some things about their relationship and their partner, but they don’t like other things about it. The person doesn’t want to go, but they don’t know how to show these other traits.