Here are eight reasons you could be having trouble finding love, as the process might be arduous.

Some people find it easy to fall in love. Others, not so much. And if you’re one of those people who frequently wonder, “Why is it so difficult to find love?” you could find consolation in knowing that you’re not alone. Many single people have yet to find love (or, at least, long-term love) with another person, and while there is no single reason why love feels so difficult to find for some, there are some probable answers.

Maybe you’ve heard that “Love happens when you least expect it,” which means that the right person will find you when you stop looking. But, according to dating and relationship coach Deanna Cobden, love is frequently something you have to actively pursue, and finding it can be challenging. “If you don’t look for a quality relationship, you won’t find it,” she previously told Elite Daily. “You usually end up with what falls into your lap or nothing at all.”

The reason why love is so hard for you to find depends.

Prioritizing dating and being open to new connections might help you discover love, but if you’ve been dating for a while and still haven’t found that special someone, here are some possible reasons why. You’re afraid to commit. The most prevalent reason it’s difficult to fall in love is a fear of commitment. Labels can scare some individuals, but for others, the uncertainty of where the relationship stands is equally unsettling.

Whether you’re hesitant to make things formal or hesitant to establish an unofficial relationship, committing to someone means risking being harmed, so you may be avoiding commitment entirely. According to relationship expert April Masini, you must recognize your fear to overcome it. “Acknowledge it, even say it aloud—but don’t stop doing something because you’re afraid of commitment,” she previously told Elite Daily.

And if you’ve found someone you care about (and may perhaps love), be open with them about your feelings. “Tell your partner, ‘I’m really scared of commitment, but this relationship is so important to me, I want to stick with it, and I want your help with my fear,'” she said. You aren’t ready to settle down. While falling in love seems appealing, it takes a lot of time and effort.

Why Can't I Find Love? 15 Possible Reasons

Some people are unwilling to put in the work, and if you find yourself wanting to leave whenever things get serious, you are probably one of them. It could be a fleeting phase, you enjoy non-monogamous relationships, or you simply want to try different things. Whatever the cause, you are not prepared to love only one person.

Dr. Danielle Forshee, a licensed clinical social worker, recently told Elite Daily that if you have “difficulty initiating or following through with a discussion about future plans or fantasies with your partner,” you may be afraid of settling. “Those who do not want to settle down or are unsure of settling down in general have difficulty with making things permanent,” she explained, which could explain why you are unable to find lasting love. You are overly picky.

There is a significant difference between being discerning and being unduly picky. A discerning dater makes romantic selections that are in their best interests while being true to their ideals and standards. When someone is too selective, they often operate from a position of fear, only willing to date someone who is exactly what they want in a mate. As a result, they exclude numerous potential options for self-defense.

To avoid this trap, try being open to fresh alternatives. “Try being more intentional about being open to connection,” Alysha Jeney, relationship therapist and co-founder of The Modern Love Box, advised. “Smile more, use eye contact, be nice to people around you and start conversations with everyone and anyone.”You Have Been Hurt Before. Whether you suffered through a traumatic breakup or were burnt by a crush, you may be so frightened of being wounded that you refuse to put yourself out there at all.

Why Can't I Find Love? 12 Potential Reasons

A fear of abandonment is a major reason why people are reluctant to open up to others, and it can cause you to avoid the very thing you desire: a deep, emotional connection with another person. And when you can’t make yourself vulnerable, you rule out the prospect of an intimate relationship. Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, a registered clinical psychotherapist and relationship expert, believes that anxiety stems from having been harmed previously and not wanting to repeat your mistakes.

“Some of the most common fears are getting hurt or putting up with mistreatment for longer than you want to admit to yourself,” said Dr. Wish earlier in the year. “One of the most confounding experiences you hope never again to repeat is feeling fooled.”

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