I’m writing to inform you that I am leaving you forever. I have been a nice man to you for seven years and have nothing to show for it. The past two weeks have been extremely stressful. Your supervisor called to tell me you resigned from your job today, and that was the final straw. Last week, you came home and didn’t notice I had a fresh haircut, made your favorite meal, and was wearing a brand-new pair of silk boxers.

You ate in two minutes and fell asleep immediately after watching all of your soap operas. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t desire sex or anything that binds us together as husband and wife. any you are cheating on me or you no longer love me; in any case, I am leaving.
Your ex-husband.

P.S. Do not try to find me. Your SISTER and I are heading out to West Virginia together! Have a wonderful life!Nothing has brightened my day more than receiving your note. True, you and I have been married for seven years, but a good guy is not what you have been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your continual whining and grumbling. Too bad it doesn’t function.

I did notice you had a haircut last week, but the first thing that came to me was, ‘You look just like a girl!’ I didn’t comment because my mother taught me not to say anything if it wasn’t polite. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have mistaken me for MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pig seven years ago. Regarding the new silk boxers, I looked away from you since the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I hoped it was a coincidence because my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and believed we could work things out. So when I won the lottery for ten million dollars, I quit my job and got us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I arrived home, you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I believe. I hope you lead the fulfilled life you have always desired. My lawyer stated that the letter you wrote guaranteed that you will not receive any money from me. So be careful.