When I was done cutting the grass today, I sat down with a cold beer. The drink helped me think deeply, and the day was really quite lovely. When my wife came by, she asked what I was doing. I told her, “Nothing.” I chose to say “nothing” instead of “just thinking” because “just thinking” would have made her ask, “About what?”
At that point, I would have had to clarify that men think seriously about a wide range of topics, which would have led to more questions.

Finally, I thought about an old question: Is giving birth worse than getting punched in the nuts? But how could they know? Women always say that giving birth hurts a lot more than getting kicked in the nuts. I have an answer to that question now that I have had another beer and thought about it for a long time. I concluded that getting kicked in the nuts hurts more than having a baby, even though I certainly couldn’t say for sure:

A woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child” about a year after giving birth. But men never say, “You know, I think I’d like another kick in the nuts.”
I’ll end my case. It’s time for another drink. Then maybe take a nap.