You probably keep your entire life on your phone. Your ideas, images, contacts—what’s on your device might reveal a lot about you. And if you live your life honestly, that is fine. Now, I do not condone spying on your partner’s phone without their knowledge. That’s a massive breach of trust. However, if you borrow your partner’s device or use it with their consent and notice these red flags on their phone, they could be signs of trouble in your relationship.
Granted, each couple has their own set of boundaries that they agree not to cross as part of their exclusive relationship, and none of these signals may directly indicate infidelity! However, these red flags could be activities you’re simply not comfortable with your partner indulging in; everyone has different breaking points, and it’s up to you to speak up if you notice something that worries you. If you notice any of the following, make careful to sit down with your partner and discuss your concerns.
They remove text messages and phone calls. I occasionally delete texts and phone conversations when I don’t want to see the interaction anymore, but I’m single and have nothing to hide. If your phone dies and you borrow your significant other’s phone to make a call or send a text and discover that their history has been deleted, it’s a big red signal that they’re hiding something from you.
They will not give their password with you only to accomplish something basic on their phone. If your partner doesn’t want you on their phone at all, that should raise a lot of concerns. Is there a text exchange they are ashamed of? Did they have a long phone conversation with an ex? Do they have any romantic dinner plans with someone else?
They get push notifications from dating applications. You’re arranging a brunch reservation for the two of you on their OpenTable app, when a push notification from a dating app appears, indicating that they’ve gotten a new message or match. The argument could be made that they “forgot” to deactivate their account, but a new match or message should not appear on their phone if you two are exclusive.
They do not answer calls in front of you. When I was in a relationship, I would take any call in front of my significant other. – I’m a chit-chatter, so when a phone comes in, I normally answer. If they’re hesitant or flatly refuse to answer calls in front of you, it could be a hint of something they don’t want you to know. They never leave their phones alone.
This could be for an innocent motive, such as using their phone as a security blanket. But if they are hyper-aware of never leaving you with their phone when they aren’t present, such as when they’re going to the restroom, it simply begs the question: why? Their wallpaper or lock screen features a photo of them with someone else. I’m not talking about a photo of your partner with all of their camp pals; this red flag is an intimate shot with another person, either hugging, kissing, or embracing in a passionate manner. This would be awful to witness, and might spark more than just a serious talk about limits.
Remember, if any of these red flags appear or are recurring, talk to your spouse about why. Communication is essential, and these actions may be the result of a misunderstanding or are easily corrected.