About a year ago, I was running errands. My wife was asleep, the kids were playing, and it was Sunday. She eventually awoke at 11:30. She called to ask where I was. I disclosed my position, which was either Hone Depot or next door at the diner dining. I was thirty minutes away. She demanded that I return home immediately.

She woke up agitated, and I was not at home. I had been up since 6:30, running errands, exercising, and settling the kids before leaving at 10:00 a.m. I take care of the kids primarily due of my flexible schedule. My wife works as a PT. I also make twice as much as she does.
I took an hour to get home. When I returned, she began ranting at me, telling me that I was worthless and that if I didn’t want to stay with the family, she would take the kids and leave.

Knowing how family courts operate has made me feel as if I was living with an assassin. She has her sights on me and is just waiting to draw the trigger. I told her several times how much her words and threats that day had upset me. I went to therapy and informed my therapist. My wife, friends, and parents all told me I needed to move on, that I was being overly sensitive. Obviously, my wife was furious and apologized. Even my therapist apologized; isn’t that enough?

Well, it has been a year. I am still not over it. Everyone, including my wife, is acting as if everything is perfect. We recently returned from a week-long family trip in February. I was there, but I don’t feel like I can openly communicate with my wife anymore because battle lines have been established.

Is it wrong for me to keep my wife’s remarks a year later and be unable to forgive her? I’m pretending like everything’s fine. To avoid dealing with her, I worked a second job in the evening after the kids got home from school and done their homework. So she thinks I’m busy and not avoiding her.

He then provided additional details.
Our children are elementary aged (7 and 9). The kids have their own floor, which includes a bedroom, bathroom, and playroom. I wanted to speak with a lawyer, but two business associates refused to give me the name of a lawyer because I was overreacting.

I spoke with a few people older than me, both men and women, and they all told me I needed to move on and get over it. I have a full deck of cards to play before I contact a lawyer. When I questioned my 55-year-old buddy, he hung up. A week later, he called back and offered to drive me to see a lawyer if I still wanted to.

We live in a huge metropolitan area but a small affluent suburb. The kind of place where everyone is extremely well-connected. I went on a vacation with a friend last year, and we ran into my neighbor at the airport; by the time I got home a few days later, everybody at my children’s school knew I had left town and knew my friend’s name. I usually walk the same route every day with our dog. I got a foot injury and was unable to walk for two weeks. I was at the neighborhood drugstore when a random lady asked, “My wife has threatened to leave me several times.” We’ve been together for about 20 years. But I always assumed she was simply acting or blowing smoke. She involved our children in this threat. I acknowledge she hasn’t issued a threat like that since last year. I believe she realizes she went too far. But I can’t help but feel that I’ll be ambushed one day.

Also, I went to a number of divorce lawyers’ websites in our state, and they include calculators for alimony and child support. If she pulls the trigger on this, I’m going to lose big. We do have a post-nuptial agreement that a lawyer drafted. I even talked to a friend about renting out his studio in a building he is constructing. Maybe I should just sleep somewhere else while I figure everything out. Everyone is telling me that I should either suck it up or pay for my freedom.

In August, my therapist asked me directly if I still wanted to be married. I told him I didn’t know. But I’ve done some basic calculations on how much that would cost. The amount is so large that I’m not sure if it’s worth it. He told me that he was in a similar situation 15-20 years ago. He still got divorced. He still had to pay; it was only money. He stated he waited until his youngest was 18, but he began planning his escape around 8 years ago…that is the only advise anyone has given me. Just wait for my wife to go out. She asked whether I was okay; she hadn’t seen me walking, and she knew what time to leave for work based on when I passed by the park near her house.