On our oldest son’s 16th birthday, my ex called to ask if he could invite his girlfriend home. I was concerned since I wanted to meet her before he introduced her to the kids, but I didn’t want to make a big deal, so I consented.She seemed kind. I was delighted she connected with my kids and seemed to care. If she’s going to be their stepmom, she better be good.Later that night, my ex-husband gave me a gift. My birthday was a month ago, so it was unusual.

I accepted and smiled, and his new girlfriend winked. She forced him to buy it, I realized.My ex never cared about birthdays, anniversaries, or other important dates. I eventually stopped caring about his negligence about important dates. Unfortunately, his new lover wasn’t pleased. She asked me if he forgot birthdays and anniversaries when we were alone. I nodded and grinned.

Lisa, my husband’s ex-girlfriend, texted me later that night. She stated she got the number from my ex and wanted to discuss the party issue. I know this is embarrassing, but does Ben ever get better at birthdays and anniversaries? I’m bothered, but I don’t want to complain, she wrote. I didn’t want to intervene, so I wrote that he’s my ex for a reason and I shouldn’t answer. I doubted he would change, and they should have decided.

Ben called after a few months. I was told he and Lisa split up over something minor as missing their anniversary. I asked him if Lisa had ever told him she was worried by his apathy to important dates, and he claimed she had and didn’t know why it was so important when I wasn’t.“That’s why we divorced,” I said. I wonder whether they would have stayed together if I had talked to Ben about Lisa’s concerns.