I believe we can all agree that unrequited love is one of the most painful emotions imaginable. The agony of feeling linked to someone in a way that isn’t reciprocated can be horrific. The prospect of saying “I love you” and then hearing crickets is heartbreaking. Even if the rejection isn’t as blatant, any incident of loving someone who doesn’t love you back can be terrible.
Unrequited love can happen to everyone, but if you notice a trend, it may be more than a coincidence. If it continues, loving someone who does not love you could be a sign that you have a romanticized view of what love is. “We are also more likely to experience unrequited love when we have already fallen head-over-heels in love with the ‘idea’ of being in love,” said Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, Ph.D., Founder and CEO of Family Matters Counseling Group.
After all, this type of situation may have more to do with you than with the object of your affection — it could even be a sign of relationship anxiety. “Research on the subject of relationships suggests that people who enter into relationships anxiously are more likely to experience unrequited love than those who enter into relationships confidently,” Bates-Duford noted.
This doesn’t imply you’ll continue to fall for someone who won’t love you back. You may escape the cycle of unrequited love by being honest with yourself, giving you more room to find individuals who appreciate you right back and in the manner you deserve. They’re out there, believe me, and they can’t wait to meet you. To understand why this is happening to you, or why this cycle continues to repeat itself, ask yourself a few questions about why you keep falling for people who don’t treat you the same way.
Why do you love someone who doesn’t share your feelings? We can all recall a period when we liked someone who didn’t feel the same way. Having a crush on someone and falling in love with them, on the other hand, are two very different things. While unrequited love happens to all types of people, having a history of disappointing, nonreciprocal relationships may make you more likely to continue dating someone who isn’t as invested as you are, according to relationship expert and author Alexis Nicole White.
“[You’re] more likely to accept a lack of reciprocity for the sake of saying [you have] someone,” White tells Elite Daily. “Unfortunately, [you] will inevitably settle.” If you find yourself settling for less and less from your spouse, it’s important to take an honest look at your relationship and your expectations – both may need to be reconsidered. Why is unrequited love so painful?
It hurts to love someone who doesn’t love you because you deserve so much better. “It is not a good decision to settle for emotional crumbs,” a licensed professional psychologist, Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, tells Elite Daily. “Unfortunately, many partners [settle] because they are afraid of being alone or of dealing with changes in finances, parenting, homes, and other major changes.” But crumbs can never create a love cake.” Wish continues.
Healthy partnerships meet the emotional needs of both parties equally. The partnership isn’t worth having if that balance isn’t present. How Do You Get Over Someone Who Doesn’t Return Your Love? Knowing how to deal with someone who does not love you back can be difficult, and it is largely dependent on your relationship situation. According to Wish, if you’re in a committed relationship and fear your feelings aren’t being reciprocated, your first step should be to establish that you’re appropriately reading the pair dynamic.
Inform your lover of your feelings. If you’d rather have this chat with expert guidance, a couples therapist can assist. “Before you decide to leave, seek counseling to determine whether your perception of the relationship is accurate or healthy,” Wish advises. “Learn different ways to express your feelings of not being loved, and develop a new understanding of how you and your partner show love.”
If you’re seeing each other but not in a committed relationship, it may be time to call it quits (and avoid the couples therapy).”It’s never okay to accept the bare minimum from someone; that’s called settling,” White explains. Furthermore, attempting to move things forward in the expectation that their emotions will ultimately catch up with them may be a bad decision. “Stand your ground and clear space for the real thing!” White adds.
recognizing that the person you love doesn’t feel the same way you do is challenging, but recognizing your (and their) emotions for what they are is the only way to start moving on to better — and hopefully more loving — things. “Don’t allow unrequited love to make you doubt yourself or what you deserve from a partner,” Samantha Burns, a certified mental health counselor, dating coach, and author of Breaking Up & Bouncing Back, told Women’s Health. “… Remind yourself every day that you create your own value.” And you deserve a mate who will never make you doubt yourself.