When we decide to marry, we may believe we know everything there is to know about our spouse. However, a seemingly insignificant discovery can occasionally shatter our complete trust in our partner. Just like it did to our current protagonist, a woman, who read her husband’s diary and discovered some quite unsettling entries. Now the desperate wife and mother has only one question: “Should I leave my husband right away?”A 33-year-old woman named Angela submitted a message to our editorial and told us her experience, which elicited strong emotions among our team members.
The woman asked us to publish her letter because she wanted to share her dilemma with our readers and learn what others thought of Angela’s very dire predicament. Angela began her letter by adding, “I and my husband Andrew have been married for five years. We’d known each other for 10 years and had been dating for three years before we were married. Our marriage was incredibly joyful, but it began with a red signal that I wish I hadn’t overlooked at the time.”
Angela said, “When Andrew proposed to me, I anticipated him to give me a nice engagement ring because he had a decent income and could afford it. He used to treat me by giving me expensive gifts, so I was naturally expecting something good on that big day. But Andrew arrived up with a pretty cheap ring, and when he observed my expression of minor disappointment, he replied, “All material things are just things.”
You can’t bring anything tangible with you to the tomb, so I believe you should be happy and appreciative for what I feel for you rather than what I provide you.”Angela remarked, “I’ve never been a material person, so I didn’t care much about that inexpensive ring; I was just uncomfortable because of his sudden change in conduct. With our engagement, he turned from a sincere and generous man to a frugal person with an unusual philosophy that I don’t recall him having before.
So I ignored his gesture and his statement about taking something to the cemetery. I was just content with what I had at the time.”Angela continues her account, noting, “Andrew has kept a semi-regular diary during our five-year marriage. He never kept anything secret, and I’ve always respected his privacy. We had a violent fight one day, and my gut instinct urged me to read it, so I did after he went for work.”
The wife was surprised as she read through her husband’s journal. She admitted, “After reading this diary, I wish I had never touched it, because I was so shocked and disgusted.” My lovely, beloved spouse has written multiple times that he despises me, and at one point he stated that when I was unwell, he wished I would die.” Angela explained, “We went through a hard stretch recently that lasted approximately two weeks.
It was a sad moment for us both, but I believe we made it through. There was no insult, no times when I was terrified of him, simply open and honest discussions about unpleasant emotions. Andrew’s hateful remarks coincided with that hard stretch. The rest of the journal was really mundane and portrayed the man I know and love. There were thoughts on his employment and family life, objectives, habit tracking, and so on.”
Angela can’t sleep well after revealing her husband’s true feelings for her.Angela confessed, “When I read those words, I quickly packed up my and our daughter’s belongings and rushed to a friend’s house, where I am currently staying. I took images of every page of his diary. I told him I just wanted some room to relax after our discussion and would be home shortly. I scheduled an appointment with my therapist and even called a lawyer.
The woman added, “My spouse has sent me a few of kind messages since my departure. He said he’s delighted I’m taking time for myself, that he looks forward to seeing me when I get home, that it’s okay to have hiccups, that he loves me, and so on. However, the woman has no idea what to do next. She wrote, “I was certain our relationship was finished the moment I learned he dislikes me. Even the fact that I felt compelled to breach his privacy was a clue that nothing was going well in our relationship anymore. All of his warm messages, as well as the rest of the diary entries, are making me nervous.”4
Angela does not feel comfortable with her spouse anymore.Angela admitted, “I understand that my husband needed to vent his frustrations when things between us were especially tense.” I believe that keeping a private diary is a beneficial approach to do so while also releasing emotions. But, even in our darkest periods, I never dreamed about my husband’s death. I may have considered anything, including parting up, but what he wrote feels so evil. I don’t know how I’ll ever feel safe around my husband again.
Angela continued, “Now I’m always wondering if this was simply healthy venting, or if I’m overreacting. I can’t believe how many others have had identical ideas about their spouses. I’m curious if this is the man I need to safeguard myself and my kid from. I’d also like to clarify that our disagreement was over his feelings for another woman. Andrew did not cheat on me, but his friendship with her was making me uneasy. The section of his diary where he says he hates me was written as a love letter to her. He stated he was thinking about my death and replacement.”