1. Provide healthy peer examples. Give others the benefit of the doubt. “Many narcissists have a great deal to give once their self-love doesn’t cloud the observer’s eyes to what is really there,” Michael S. Dobson writes in his book Working with Difficult People.
Indeed, helping a narcissistic person to demonstrate more positive attributes benefits both the individual and his or her coworkers by promoting strong, healthy working connections. “Set up a situation where acts of caring and kindness are aligned with admiration and success,” the book Narcissism Epidemic explains. “Show narcissists that they can get their narcissistic needs met by acting like decent, caring people.”
Making people with narcissistic personality traits part of a strong, cohesive team is a good way to create this type of environment: “A group setting makes dysfunctional acting out more noticeable, more controllable, more discussable, and therefore less acceptable,” according to Harvard Business Review.
Members of the group can aid to encourage positive conduct because “feedback from multiple team members is harder for narcissists to ignore,” according to HBR. Additionally, “for narcissists, it’s often less threatening to receive feedback from peers, rather than from a single person or leader.”
2. Avoid a showdown. Direct confrontation with a narcissistic person is rarely effective. According to Principles of Social Psychology, “Narcissists may be obnoxious, continually interrupting and bullying others, and they may respond very negatively to criticism.”
Instead of confronting a narcissist, gently prompt the person to consider the consequences of their negative behaviors: “Don’t tell them how people might react; instead, ask probing questions,” Albert Bernstein wrote in Am I The Only Sane One Working Here?: 101 Solutions for Surviving Office Insanity. If a narcissist knows that their behavior is causing a negative reaction, they are more inclined to alter voluntarily.
In a group environment, peer responses can also aid in behavior modification. Encourage team members to politely interrupt if the narcissist goes on for too long, according to HBR. This can help the narcissist understand “he didn’t always need to be the smartest person in the room.”
3. Suggest a perspective adjustment. Narcissists are self-centered, yet encouraging them to consider the perspectives of others may be as simple as asking them to try. When researchers asked narcissists to watch a documentary about a domestic violence victim and “imagine how she feels,” high-narcissists — those the authors classified as more narcissistic than the average person — “reported significantly higher empathy” after considering the woman’s point of view.
When evaluating physiological reactions, high-narcissists did not normally exhibit empathy-related symptoms, such as a noticeably faster heart rate, when exposed to someone else’s distress. However, when asked to consider the disturbed person’s perspective, they had a physiological response comparable to lower-narcissists, or those with lower degrees of narcissism than the typical person.
“If we encourage narcissists to consider the situation from their teammate or friend’s point of view, they are likely to respond in a much more considerate or sympathetic way,” the study’s lead investigator said.
How can you become even more effective? HBR recommended creating a safe, trusting environment in which empathy-challenged people can push their limitations. Narcissistic people who improve their emotional abilities can form stronger relationships and have more favorable interactions at work and at home.
In short, a narcissist on a strong team, in a lively environment, with appropriate reinforcement, may have a far easier time displaying positive attributes. That will improve his or her life—and yours as well.