I’ve found myself in a difficult situation with my mother-in-law, and I could really use your advice. My mother-in-law licks her fingers while cooking, uses a spoon to taste everything, and then immediately returns it to the dish. It makes me nauseous, so I informed her that I am entirely vegan.

After a family meal, I accidently dropped my purse, revealing some leftovers from a burger I had eaten on the way over. My mother-in-law’s cheeks flushed as she said, ‘You honestly call this being vegan?’

I attempted to shrug it off and make a joke about it being a ‘cheat day,’ but she didn’t seem amused. She rushed directly into the kitchen, and I could hear her banging dishes around, obviously upset. I felt embarrassed and unsure what to do next, so I offered to help clean up, hoping it would relieve the tension.

But she simply waved me off, saying, “No need.” You’ve done enough: Ever since then, she’s been cold and distant, avoiding me whenever possible. I’ve observed that I’m suddenly ‘unavailable’ for future family dinners and parties; my husband has told me that she’s been arranging the invitations directly with him, and there’s always a handy reason why I’m not invited.

Now I’m stuck pondering how to approach this problem. Part of me wants to confess and explain why I lied in the first place. I assumed that declaring I was vegan would be the simplest way to avoid eating foods that make me queasy. But, at the same time, I’m scared that disclosing the true cause will only hurt her further and widen the schism between us. She takes great care in her food, and I know that bringing up her habits will only lead to further friction.

I don’t want to cause any more drama or discomfort, but I also don’t want this issue to become a permanent barrier between us. I’m completely lost here and would appreciate some suggestions on how to improve things without confronting her directly about her cooking practices.