“Foster Care. Those two words have been officially a part of my life for almost 5 months, but the truth is, they have been a part of my life. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve felt that I was called for plans far bigger than myself. It was an indescribable feeling as a young teenager.
I never truly knew what to do with those feelings. On one hand, I felt different from my peers around me, which you can only imagine brought a lot of insecurity on a young girl. I was torn between my church friends and my school friends, torn in between who I was supposed to be in this thing we call life.
On top of that, I was diagnosed with a learning disability when I was 8 years old. High school is when the insecurity really hit, when the shame crept in. I remember so clearly telling my friends that I was going to P.E. class at the end of the day, when in reality I was going to my Learning Strategies class.
This class was meant to give me extra time to do my work and have all my tests read over to me. All good things that are supposed to help a student who’s struggling with school thrive. So why, why must shame creep in? Doorbell rang. get out of class has ended. As always, I poked my head out the door to look at the sides to make sure no one saw me leaving the class.
I thought the coast was very clean. I was walking to meet my friend at the school gate. I heard a boy calling my name. “Oh, no,” I said in my heart. Guys keep saying, “Are you really in that class? Wow, you are such an idiot. I feel exposed. I feel trapped. I feel frozen. I think I have never run so fast in my life. I ran to the bathroom, fell on my knees in the cubicle, and burst into tears. It was 16 years old.
So, there I was 26, single, and licensed for a foster placement. I waited several months before deciding to be on an on-call list. Once I was officially on the on-call list, I waited anxiously for a placement. I got calls and none of them would end up working out. I started to feel discouraged. One of my cousins was expecting a baby boy.
I received the call that my beautiful cousin was in labor and going to have her little boy. I rushed to the hospital, so excited! I couldn’t wait to meet him. That night I met sweet, not-so-little 9-pound, Walker. This brought over an unexplainable joy for my cousin and all our family!
That night I was driving home. I parked in my driveway, I just started crying… ‘Lord, when is this going to happen for me.’ I wondered if all the preparation and desire to love and care for a child was even going to happen. That night I cried myself to sleep, woke up the next day, and went on with my day. That next evening, I prayed.
Prayed that in the right time, the right placement would come into my home and that I would feel peace in that. I truly felt peace in that moment. 10 minutes later, I get a call for 1-YEAR-OLD TWIN boys. After that, yes, God provided an extra car seat, provided an extra crib, provided clothes, toys, diapers, etc.
He said yes to all the reasons I said no first. It turned my weakness into strength! MAN, the 16-year-old girl who was ashamed of her weakness, closed the circle. Now God is using it to enhance his power, for the beautiful disaster that he gave my life. God did not bring me a child at 2:30 that night, but he did bring me two.
After that, yes, God provided an extra car seat, provided an extra crib, provided clothes, toys, diapers, etc. He said yes to all the reasons I said no first. It turned my weakness into strength! MAN, the 16-year-old girl who was ashamed of her weakness, closed the circle. Now God is using it to enhance his power, for the beautiful disaster that he gave my life. God did not bring me a child at 2:30 that night, but he did bring me two.