Whitney and Justin Billings decided to expand their family on the occasion of their sixth wedding anniversary. At the time, the couple had a 4-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son, and they had no idea how much grief that decision would bring. Despite her first miscarriage immediately after having her IUD removed, this California mother stayed positive. Not until the unimaginable death toll skyrocketed from one to seven “angel babies” in a matter of seconds.
At the time, the couple had a 4-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son, and they had no idea how much grief that decision would bring. Despite her first miscarriage immediately after having her IUD removed, this California mother stayed positive. Not until the unimaginable death toll skyrocketed from one to seven “angel babies” in a matter of seconds.She suffered the majority of her losses early on.
Billings was usually five to eight weeks old when he received the awful news. “I felt empty on the inside,” she said on her Billings Clan blog. “I recall reaching out to a few girlfriends.” Their reaction, to my astonishment, was not what I had hoped for. I left feeling even more lonely and alone.” A nightmare, to be sure. Her new fear was the cycle of falling pregnant and then losing the babies.
She was lonely, but she pretended to be cheerful by hosting baby showers for her pregnant sister and her friends. “Even though I post a lot of pictures, I also don’t share a lot about myself, personal struggles, or anytime I have lost and grieved a baby,” she added. “I’m the type who suffers in silence.” It helped me feel more normal in some ways. Or perhaps I was just hiding all the anguish in the hope that it would go away.”She had no means of avoiding infants.
Because she is a professional photographer, she will have to dash out to newborn and maternity sessions soon after a miscarriage. She raved about her experience photographing newborn babies, saying, “I loved the opportunity to hold these sweet, new, and fresh-smelling babies.””However, at the same time, I was suppressing my deepest depression.” I’m keeping everything inside merely to retain my professional status. Unfortunately, it made no difference what I did.”
It’s impossible to get used to. And Billings wants people to understand that the anguish and sadness that comes with so many miscarriages does not fade with time. “I was just where I had left off. I was depressed, upset, and blaming myself for what had occurred. “Every time this happened, I fell into this deep pit and couldn’t get out,” she wrote. “While this may not appear to be far enough along to be attached…
trust me when I say the emotional and physical aspects of it all will rock your world.”The medical personnel had no understanding what was going on. Billings had six miscarriages in a year with no reason, despite numerous doctor appointments and extensive blood testing that came out normal. While she struggled, several bystanders were at a loss for what to do. “For some reason, when we lost a baby, people liked to remind us of what we already had.”
‘Oh well, you have a boy and a girl, so you’ll be fine,’ she wrote. “These comments were hurtful to us, and so many more were made that aren’t even worth mentioning.” “These comments were hurtful to us, and so many more were made that aren’t even worth mentioning.” Her following loss was heartbreaking. But when she became pregnant for the second time, everything changed. Her belly expanded, and the baby appeared to be healthy.
After feeling the baby kick for the first time, she took her mother and three-year-old daughter to a sonogram. But then the sonographer broke the silence, saying, “There’s no baby in there.” “I’m not picking up anything, and there’s no sign of a heartbeat anywhere,” she said.They persisted till the bitter end. “I was frozen there. My body remained motionless, and all I could hear was my three-year-old asking, ‘Where’s the baby mama?’ I wasn’t convinced.
“I couldn’t believe it!” she exclaimed. “All I remember saying was, ‘No, I felt the baby kick,’ to which she responded, ‘No you didn’t, that’s impossible.'” There isn’t a baby there…’ I simply picked up my belongings and departed. Straight out the door. AND, YES, I felt the baby move! Who was she to tell my body what I should or should not do!?” On their tenth wedding anniversary, they were still attempting to start a family.
They were doing things differently than intended after two excruciating years and seven miscarriages. They were getting ready to become foster parents. To commemorate the event, a picture shoot was organized.They chose against extravagant presents or a far-flung vacation to commemorate this important milestone in their marriage and family life. “I’m grateful for every single contraction I felt, the pain my body had to go through, the blood that left my body, and the emptiness I felt because it reminded me that our baby was real.”\
I knew that adorable baby since I carried him. I felt him kick, I talked to him, his brothers talked to him, and every day of being pregnant and miserable was worth it.”It was a moving memorial to their dead loved ones. Emily Grace, a personal friend of Billings’ and a professional photographer, captured a shot of the entire family, including her two children and seven “angels” in paradise, that the couple had never seen before.
“I want people to know that being a mom of angel babies means that my babies DID EXIST and they are real!” Billings informs CafeMom. “People have told me, ‘Oh well, you were only pregnant for six weeks, so it’s not really a loss.’ THIS IS INACCURATE. Regardless of how far along you are, 6 weeks, 12 weeks, or 27 weeks, there is a little person you created living inside your body. THEY ARE TRUE!”
Years after Billings first realized what her family looked like as a unit owing to her friend’s skill and Photoshop, she is still using the experience to recover and is now using it to help other families. “Even if it only reached five women, that was enough medication for me. I feel like it’s really important to educate the world on what occurs when someone loses a baby,” she says.
“How it affects the woman, the man, and the family. I would love to normalize miscarriage as a whole, and by me opening up to society and telling my story it’s a start! Women shouldn’t feel ashamed when they lose a baby, they should feel like they can reach out to people and get the help they need.”